Criminal, me? No! I’m a Writer!

I admit it: I get some strange stares if (okay, when) I give voice to a thought running through my brain. But as you’ll soon read, I’m not the only one who gets “those looks.” And I’m most definitely not the only one who thinks these thoughts. It’s a writer thing.

I’m Not a Criminal, I Just Think Like One
by Karin Beery

On-line businesses are big money. These days you don’t even have to have your own website, you can sell things FBA – Fulfilled by Amazon. I won’t go into the specifics, but here’s the gist of it: you buy, price, and ship things to Amazon, who lists and sells them on photo-1449247666642-264389f5f5b1their website.

What does this have to do with writing?

My husband is an FBA seller, and I often help him prepare his shipments to the mega retailer. That requires lots of bubble wrap, boxes … and packaging tape. The packaging tape is what trigger my last episode of writer’s brain.

Me: Honey, don’t you ever worry about selling something to a serial killer?

Husband: (blank stare)

Me: (holds up tape) Think about it – my DNA and fingerprints are on dozens of pieces of tape around the country. What if someone frames me for murder?

Husband: (rolls eyes, goes back to work)

That’s the thing about writers. We don’t simply see the world as it is, we see it as it could be, and sometimes – if we read mystery and suspense novels – we see the twists and kinks.

We also see the unbelievable. Not the ghosts-living-in-the-attic unbelievable, the I-don’t-think-the-author-ever-tried-that unbelievable. Like when a person, wide-eyed, sneezes. Or the man who walks down the beach, doing a thorough 15-minute are-you-feinvestigation of the two mile stretch. My favorites, however, are the kisses. There have been several times when I read a romance and the man cups a woman’s face as he kisses her, and she wraps her arms around his neck, holding him close – sounds romantic, right?

Try it.

Go ahead. Go home, grab your spouse, and see how comfortable it really is to have two man elbows smooshed between you. One description or the other works, but together? Not so much.

Honestly though, not many people will notice, because not many people are reading books from a writer’s point-of-view, but I can’t help it. I’m always testing theories to see if it’s really possible to laugh and drink at the same time, and every-day, inanimate objects inspire thoughts of criminal actions. It’s just the way I’m wired.

So please be patient with the writer in your life. You never know what weird scenarios might be playing in her head.

How about you? Do you ever “see” things that aren’t really there? Or do certain items or circumstances make you wonder about something completely off the wall?


2-color-240x300Owner of Write Now Editing and Copywriting Services, Karin Beery has had more than five hundred articles published in various periodicals, in addition to writing her novels. She is an active member of American Christian Fiction Writers, the American Christian Writers Association, and Christian Proofreaders and Editors Network. She is represented by literary agent Steve Hutson at Word Wise Media. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, or at her website,


About Jennifer Slattery

Novelist and speaker Jennifer Slattery, also writing as Jen Pheobus, uses humor, grace, and truth to inspire God's children to live abundant, Christ-centered lives. She does content editing for Firefly, a southern fiction imprint with Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, and is a regular contributor to; Internet Cafe Devotions; Faith, Friends and Chocolate; and manages the social media for Takin’ it to the Streets, a ministry that serves Omaha’s working poor and homeless. She’s placed in numerous writing contests and her work has appeared in numerous compilations, magazines, and e-zines.
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4 Responses to Criminal, me? No! I’m a Writer!

  1. Tamara says:

    How about a shout-out to the people in Homeland Security, and other agencies, who get to call us when our internet search history raises red flags? I was doing a lot of research to figure out how to include a bombing in one of my novels and spent two days typing the oddest things into Google. It wasn’t long before I realized the fable of the “writer’s list,” where authors are listed so they won’t trigger so many red flags on internet filters, is not so much fiction but truth. 🙂


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